A Reply to “A Tale from the Dark Side” by Jeremy J.
My automatic reply to this was, “Vanessa, noooo” in a dramatic fashion. There’s an edge between over-questioning your decisions and under-questioning your decisions and it lives in the realm of unhappiness. If you can’t find a single good reason to do what you’re currently doing, you need to end it. Or if you can’t find a single good question you need answering, you need to end it.
Jobs are like romantic relationships. If the cons start outweighing the good and all your friends/family can see how it affects you, the cord needs to be cut. People mistake exhaustion for stimulation all the time. It’s why people will stick it out in a soul-sucking job longer than they will in a brain rotting job. Are you learning new skills? What have you done that will help move you forward? Are you getting opportunities to demonstrate how good you are at fundamentals? Or will you just feel like you’ve been on the same hamster wheel of repeating disappointments a year down the line?
It’s like the random schedule of reinforcement. This is a psychology concept that goes hand-in-hand with gambling and social media addiction. When you get a reward after an unpredictable number of tries, you’re more likely to persist until you get a hit of what you want. It’s why people scroll forever through Reddit and Instagram hoping to finally stumble upon some content they want.
Jobs are unpredictable. As things evolve at work, you might get hints of “ooh positive reinforcement” for why you’re still there. So, you stick it out for more hints. Unfortunately, as I said, it’s unpredictable so you keep going and going until the next downswing where you’re like “why am I still here?” Same with relationships. Don’t feel obliged to stay with a job or person just because you were “spared.” This ain’t the red wedding.
It doesn’t even have to be atrociously bad. People shouldn’t stay in unsuitable jobs or relationships just because it’s “not abusive.” You’re allowed to leave if your goals and priorities have started to diverge. Don’t feel bad that you aren’t the same person you were at the beginning. Don’t feel bad that your job has changed either. If your job changes, your relationship with the job automatically changes.
We’ve changed. Don’t hold onto the memory of what was. You’ll be okay losing this occupational part of your identity. It’s a bittersweet, strange kind of feeling. You’ll miss your coworkers and you’ll miss the person you were when you were excited about the job because you’ll never have this moment again, but that’s okay. “Either things grow and change or they die” - Kim Edwards
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